Saturday, July 4, 2015

Happy July 4th & Memories

I hope everyone has a safe and fun holiday today.

The is the first holiday without The Husband. 
I will be spending the afternoon with good friends, 
which is what we have done for the past couple of years.

Here is a picture of The Husband with a small cannon I gave him when we lived in Houston.  


The Husband brought the cannon out for New Year's Eve, July 4th, 
to randomly declare cocktail hour and when ever else he thought it was appropriate.  

I passed stewardship of the cannon to our nephew in Oklahoma City, 
as he and The Husband had a ridiculous July 4th with it a few years ago.

The cannon will be shot off multiple times today 
in remembrance of him and celebration of the holiday.

The start of cocktail hour in the mountains:


The Husband and his brother on July 4th a few years ago:


Doesn't everyone have a cannon?

Friday, June 26, 2015

The Husband is Home

Today has been stressful.

I slept late this morning. My cell phone rang at 9:30 am. It was the funeral home telling me The Husband's cremains were ready for pickup, as well as copies of his death certificate.

I brought everthing home and took the items upstairs to our office. I placed The Husband on a bookcase. I worked all afternoon reviewing various accounts/bills. This work is tedious, time consuming and emotionally draining. 

I had plans to meet up with good friends at a local restaurant. The time we spent together, the conversations about The Husband we had and the stories/photos we shared were just what I needed today, or so I thought.

I showed them the following picture of The Husband, which is the epitome of his love of the porch. The photo was taken several years ago. Notice the iPod in the Bose speaker dock, which means we were listening to his eclectic music catalog (4,000 songs). Also notice the cocktail glass next to the iPod. And, who could miss his head thrown back and his big laugh as he was conversing with our neighbors?


I returned home from being with our friends tonight and decided The Husband and I would have a cocktail on the porch, with music. See the iPod in the Bose speaker dock, the cocktail glass with Johnny Walker Red and water, as well as the box containing The Husband?


I sat there for a few moments, just the two of us with his favorite music and his favorite drink.

I started bawling.

I then asked the next door and across the street neighbors to join us, which they happily did. We laughed and reminisced about our numerous, informal porch parties over the years. The Powell house motto was, after all, "If we are on our porch, COME ON OVER!"

I'm thankful every day that I was lucky enough to be the friend of (and the wife of) The Husband.  

I am also thankful every day for all our friends and family that have helped both of us on this journey.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Kindness of Strangers

The Husband and I were "out and about" in local restaurants frequently. (Frequently = a lot!)

Tonight, I went to dinner at one of our regular spots. Several employees came up to me and expressed their sympathy for my loss of The Husband.

The man I was sitting near couldn't help but overhear the conversations and eventually asked me how recent was the loss. When I told him 13 days, he was very sympathetic.

He told me he lost his first wife 35 years ago. He was very kind to share stories of how he worked through the stages of grief.

He said to me, "You have to walk every step of this road yourself. Everyone wants to help you, but ultimately it is up to you."

I was consoled by my conversation with him.

As he left with his wife (of 30 years), he told me he had paid for my dinner and drinks. I told him it was not necessary and his response was, "I know what you are going through."

I am thankful for the kindness of strangers.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Sprinkler System

The Husband turned off the sprinkler system a few weeks ago because of the monsoon rains we were receiving.

I never paid serious attention when he had "sprinker class" with me. I always thought, "Oh, I'll never have to mess with that."

Now The Husband's gone and the Brother-In-Law and I couldn't figure out how to get the system on yesterday. The B-I-L read the instruction manual and tried several things, but the system refused to cooperate.

We decided I would just phone the yard service we've used for various projects and ask them to come out to give me a mini class and make sure the system is set properly and works.

I phoned for an appointment today and a young man named Kyle answer the phone. I didn't think I was going to cry, but when I told him why I was calling I couldn't hold it in. Bless his heart, he was so nice to me.

I bet Kyle's really looking forward to our appointment at 3pm on Wednesday.


Monday, June 22, 2015

Grief

The Husband died on June 11th.







I have cried, sobbed, wept, felt very sad and been grief stricken since that day.

Tonight, I bawled.

And bawled.

And bawled.

I bawled as I was cleaning out the refrigerator.

Sorting through the remnants of food brought to the house by friends and family,
I started making decisions about what to keep and what to throw away. 

My thought was, "Oh, this has been here too long. It's no good. Time for it to go."

Suddenly, grief hit me like a ton of bricks.

The Husband has been gone 11 days and he is never coming back.

How can that be?

I ran across this picture of him today. It's one of my favorites. 
It was taken on Johnson Mesa in the early 1990's.


Thursday, June 11, 2015

An Unexpected and Unwanted Journey

I've been quiet on this blog for the past several months because The Husband has been ill.  

I am documenting our journey here:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/stevejedpowell

I don't know when (or if) I will return to this website.

If I decide to retire "Cindy's Clipboard", I will post a notice.

To my readers, thank you.